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Sexual Healing

August 9, 2010

Jesus & Lafayette

Holy homo-erotica, Batman! With last night’s episode of True Blood, Alan Ball officially cemented his status as the Patron Saint of the Gays. Jesus kisses Lafayette and then less than 30 seconds later Eric is undressing for a sex/death scene with Talbot? To para-quote the late, great Florida Evans, “Damn. Damn. Damn, James.” We re-wound. Several times. And then watched the complete episode a second time. It was that freakin’ amazing.

No need for a full synopsis; if you’re reading my shit, you are clearly just here to relive some of the over-the-top moments from any given episode. Last night was a blink-and-it’s-gone masterpiece, so filled with quotable moments that I couldn’t write them all down. Pretty much any time Ruby-Jean opened her mouth, something worth repeating came out. Alfre Woodard, as you may know, is one of my favorite actresses. She owns the screen whenever she’s on it. When Lafayette opened the door and she simultaneously shrieked and deadpanned, “Jesus!” I lost it. Then, after Jesus talks her into handing over the knife she’s been wielding to protect her son, Jesus suggests they watch TV. Her response: ”TV’s all faggots and murderers and hos, Jesus.” She sits. ”Where the clicker?” I paused to laugh and wipe away the tears.

who's that lady??

By the way, let’s talk about Lafayette and that shirt. I loved it. Spent an hour on Google this morning trying to find out who the hell that lady is, but no one has an answer. Who the hell was she??

After waking up from a sex dream that placed Franklin in her shower, Tara went outside to sunbathe with Sookie. Because that made sense. Then, of course, Sookie started talking about how wonderful Bill is, even though they broke up before the “Bad Things” opening sequence started. Tara got mad and laid into her: “You know what you sound like? One of those sad country songs about dumb bitches who let their men cheat and beat on ’em all for the sake of true love. Let me tell you somethin’: at the end of those songs, the dumb bitches always end up dead.” Sookie asked if Tara was calling her a dumb bitch and Tara, not wanting to disrespect her friend, ignored her. Because we all know she was calling Sookie a dumb bitch. Because Sookie is a dumb bitch.

... because i appreciate gratuitous scenes...

King Russell is moving his new bride Sophie-Ann into the mansion and Talbot is pissed. Yes, she might bring Louisiana with her, but their house is full. He’s right. Poor Talbot; he is the original desperate housewife. ”Franklin’s brains won’t wash off the guest linens, I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I’ve had enough excitement, thank you,” he says, with a pout. There domestic squabble continues, as Russell admits he killed the Magister and is writing a half-million dollar check in support of the Vampire Rights amendment.

“You’re acting like a century-old child,” Talbot scolds. “You can’t just buy your way out of everything.”

“Of course, I can,” King Russell explains: “this is America.” So true.

The argument continues, with Talbot breaking Russell’s prized collection of antiques (including Eric’s father’s crown), after Russell touts his young husband, “You’re In a giant mansion with all the blood you can drink and all the vampire boys you can possibly want. Oh, poor Talbot. Are your diamond slippers chafin’?”

Eric & poor Talbot

Eric stops the destruction, saying he will stand in for the king. As the two play chess, Talbot continues dropping bon mots: “I’m bored. Take off your clothes.” Eric complies, telling him it’s been a while… “with a man?” Talbot asks. “No, a vampire,” Eric responds as he takes off his shirt and makes all of the girls and gay men pause their DVR. Them, he moves in for a kiss. Some more shit happened and we were back on Eric and Talbot, naked, making out. Eric tells Talbot to roll over and he replies, “yes, daddy,” his final words… how appropriate. Talbot was looking for Eric to stake him, just not in that manner. Poor baby. He will be missed.

I can’t wait for next Sunday. DAMN.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 9, 2010 4:11 PM

    Wow! There are so many subplots going on. How many episodes are left. When are we gonna start getting some answers!!!!aarggh

    • August 9, 2010 4:18 PM

      I decided to look at it like it’s a roller coaster. We enjoy the ride, not pulling into the station at the end… I have no clue what’s going to happen next and that’s what I love about TB! =)

  2. August 9, 2010 10:29 PM

    passin’ the collection plate…
    *cue the organ*

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